I mentioned the Inside Passage briefly awhile ago. Back in August or July.
Since then I've developed different rules for it:
1. I only right in blue BIC pens or black fountain pens for the reason of i dont want to ever erase what I put down.
2. I will never rip out a single page no matter what it might say. Even if I just used it for scrap.
3. I don't date anything or write cliche things like: Dear Journal. I don't want to be bothered by that. And it's not just a journal. It's just me.
If that makes any sense
Here are a couple they may make no sense but maybe someone could relate in some little way:
I keep watching as reality runs farther and farther away from my grasp until I'm completely alone sitting in utter darkness. That sense of complete
loss, abandonment, and confusion encasing me.
So I wrote.
I wrote and I wrote and I though I killed it at the time. Now I know that I did not.
Look at me. I'm right here. Maybe not for long physically but in this exact moment I am here in front of you. Stop trying so hard to deny it.
Can't you see it isn't working?
Writing is what I can control because apparently I can't control a single thing that goes on around me.
Maybe that's why I do it.
Maybe that's why I get so involved in it and put me into my characters.
Maybe that's because I don't know how to even put me into me.
I try acting like I never gave up. But it's so obvious that I did.
When I forget it even for a minute it just crashes again and I remember a little more.
People say that a blank page is scary.
But it isn't the emptiness that scares them. It's the truth about themselves that will be revealed on it.
I believe that everything we write down reveals a truth about who we are.
(and just because I havent written in awhile I'll give you an extra long one)
What's it like when someone you love moves away? :
It's like you're driving down a road and you see signs telling you: "Brick wall ahead!"
You ignore it for the most part though because there's a great song on the radio and you don't want to miss it.
Then the signs start counting down how close you are to it.
And you keep going and then you crash into that brick wall.
And the music has stopped.
Just like that, everything is in pieces all around you and you don't know how to move forward after this.
You feel stupid; there were all the signs and you knew what they meant but until you crashed you didn't know what it was going to feel like.
And it feels worse than anything you could have imagined.
You feel abandoned.
And they're no where in sight.
You hear someone say: "Just wait and see who else comes!"
But you know they won'te even come close to what you had because you had the best.
And even if the next person comes close, though it hurts just thinking about this,
But you know it will be ages.
And you know you'll just be tossed aside like every other person always does because you just don't "stick out".
Just like that: they're gone and it feels like a death.
They were the passengers in you car and you're lying alone on the road on top of bits of glass.
Okay there you have it.
Picture is by my photography friend: shattered-spectrum.deviantart.com/
Feel free to stop by and say hello.
